Mother's Day

My mom passed away in December, 2003, after suffering from Alzheimer's and basically grieving herself to death over the loss of my dad in 1999. Almost gone ten years, and every once in a while the thought goes through my mind that I haven't 'called' her lately. I immediately remember there is no one to call and quietly go about my business.

We had a strange relationship. There was nobody else on this planet that could push my 'hot button' faster than she. We used to have some good arguments and disagreements, and by good I mean bad. Almost everyone in the family and out didn't understand us. All that mattered was that we understood each other. There was a bond there...a bond so strong that the love we had for each other could never be broken.

I wish I could say that I was never a disappointment to her. I wish I could relate all the times I made her proud and walked the straight and narrow and did nothing to bring embarrassment to her. But...alas...I cannot. I wasn't a bad son. But, I wasn't a good one, either.

To her credit, she did all she could to make sure my brother and I grew up to be decent people. Neither of us have ever been arrested or even accused of a crime. We work hard and take care of our families. We are both civic minded, realizing our responsibilities to society. We are respectful of others....within reason...and mind our personal business with maturity and commitment. All this we owe to her.

Every Sunday we were dragged to church. She was a Sunday School teacher for almost all her adult life. She worked nearly twenty years as the admin for the county judge in Hardin County, Texas. She was respected and well liked by all who knew her.

All the bad that is in me can be directly attributed to me. All the good can be directly attributed to her. She will have nothing to answer for where I am concerned.

I have many family members who believe I shamed her at her funeral. It makes me smile to think about it. Some have called it a 'Redneck' funeral. In some ways, I guess it was. My take is that once someone is laid in the ground, they're gone. As the dirt is being pushed into the hole they call a grave, anything you could have done and everything you have done is then over and you can't do any more for that person. Oh, I guess you can pretend to carry on the legacy...but the adding to their legacy is over. It is only yours that continues. And, once they bury you...any addition to yours is then over, too. As will be mine.

I was fortunate to have a mother who loved me unconditionally and took care of me with all her heart, soul, mind and body. She would have died for me without thinking about it should the situation have called for it. She stood by me through thick, thin, good and bad. I may not have done much to make her proud....but she did everything necessary to make me proud of her. I wish I could call her today and tell her. I really wish I could.

Lena Fay Means Coward - May, 1926 to December, 2003