Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Bring on Sequestration!!!!!

Yes, our cities will fall. Anarchy will rule. Services will vanish. People will die. Baby rabbits will be sold for stew meat and we will all have to drink our own pee. Sheesh.

People, people, people. 85 billion dollars isn't a drop in the massive bucket of what this country spends, and it isn't 85 billion in 'cuts'. It's 85 billion in increased expenditure that won't go into effect. That's ... all ... it ... is.

Obama the tax-o-man is trying to scare the less informed...which amounts to 99.9% of our population, into thinking the sky will completely fall if he doesn't get his way. Teachers by the millions will lose their jobs!!! Oh my. How awful. Police and firemen will not be able to catch your criminal or put out your fire. Oh my. How awful. Sheesh.

This man is the absolute WORST human being that has EVER sat in the White House. And there have been some doozies in the past, let me tell ya. If he has his way, this country will be so totally transformed and emasculated it will only be a shell of what it once was by the time 2016 gets here. I would rather Bill Clinton come back for the next twenty years than have Obama in office for another nano second.

So, my message to the House is don't let him have his way. Let sequestration come and say no to any new tax hikes. No, no, no, no. Fight him tooth and nail, with spit and blood, with angst and fervor every step of the way for the next four years. Fight him, fight him, fight him and never give up fighting him.

He got his tax hike. Now it's time to cut, cut, cut and cut some more. Let him squeal like a pig. The noise suits him.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Oscar Prediction Results

Okay, let's see how I did.

Best Picture:  Argo, as I predicted.

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Daniel Day-Lewis won, as I predicted. However, this was a no-brainer. Who DIDN'T know he was going to win?

Best Actress in a Leading Role:  Went for the old lady in this one and clearly missed the entire target. Jennifer Lawrence for 'Silver Linings Playbook'. Never saw it, but congrats to her anyway...even though she tripped over her own dress. Really?

Best Director:  Ang Lee for Life of Pi. Wrong again. He's a great director and I like his films. Just didn't think Spielberg would be left out in the cold like that.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christopher Waltz? I was amazed. Wrong again.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Nailed this one with Anne Hathaway. I'm now 3 and 3.

Cinematography: Cha-ching!!! Right again. Life of Pi. 4 and 3.

Costume Design: Anna Karenina won this. I was wrong. 4 and 4.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Wow! I nailed another one. Argo. 5 and 4.

Writing (Original Screenplay): Django Unchained????? Good grief. 5 and 5.

Visual Effects:  Life of Pi, just as I said.

Well, 6 and 5 ain't good, but I ended up on top. Okay, now on to less important stuff.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

I Have an Idea

I'll make this short and sweet. There are almost 313 million people in the United States. In 2010, the U.S. Government spent 53 billion dollars on economic and military aid to foreign countries.

Let's do the math. 53 billion divided by 313 million is almost 48.  In other words, you can put 313,000,000 into 53 billion almost 48 times.

For all you liberals out there and those wringing their hands over the state of the poor, the destitute, the unlucky, the dumb ones and yes, even the stupid people out there....why can't the government just give everybody in America a million dollars?

It wouldn't 'kill' the foreign aid budget. Hell, you would still have 46.9 times you could shell out 313,000,000 million dollars to people that are only going to continue to hate us anyway.

The best idea would be to give everyone enough money so they could CLEAR a million dollars. There would be no discrimination in this plan. Alcoholic? Here's your million. Meth addict? Here's your million dollars. What? You got eight babies by different daddies and you don't know where they are? No problem! Here's your  NINE million dollars. Hey, you're an illegal immigrant aren't you? Doesn't matter, as long you have both feet in the States, here's your million dollars.

I mean, why can't that happen? Why can't the government give us each a million dollars? It would solve poverty...it would instantly dissolve the existence of poor people. Everyone would have money to spend, save, invest or whatever they wanted to do with it. Talk about a tax rebate!

And, I know what some of you are thinking right now. That 'the masses' aren't responsible enough to be given that kind of wealth. It would only encourage the drug addict, the robber who wanted more, motives for murder and what not. Oh. I see. So....you really want poor people to stay poor? You're also thinking that many would be be broke again in less than six months. That may be. That's also why a rule would have to be put in place. That rule would be if someone is broke inside a year from receiving the million, they get no further government assistance.

I know. I'm a genius.

My Oscar Picks for Tonight

I don't watch the Oscars. All this is about is a bunch of elitist, millionaire plus people who 'award' each other for doing a good job. It's a wonder they don't all leave with broken arms from patting themselves on the back for three hours. Anyway, I digress.

Millions of Americans....for some odd reason...find Oscar Night an activity to watch. Who am I to say they are wrong? So, with my keen insight on these types of things, I shall put on my Karnak the Magnificent hat and divine the winners of tonight's Oscar presentations...in the major categories only, of course. Here goes.

Best Picture:  This one goes to Ben Affleck's 'Argo'. Sharply made movie with lots of tension. Not historically accurate...which irks me about Hollywood...but a well directed film that shows the best side of people when the chips are down.

Best Actor in a Leading Role:  This will be awarded to Daniel Day-Lewis for his portrayal of Lincoln. Didn't like the movie, the script, the plot line, etc etc, but since everyone is proclaiming this film as the be all end all of moviedom, nobody else stands a chance.

Best Actress in a Leading Role:  I don't agree with euthenasia nor a film being a proponent of euthenasia. However, on purely 'acting' merit, I think the award will go to Emmanuelle Riva. Amour is a depressing picture, but it accurately depicts the gripping issues that people have to cope with when a loved one is desperately ill. Riva did an outstanding job and this will probably be her last chance to win. The old girl is getting up there.

Best Director:  Again, this will go to the director of Lincoln simply because it's Steven Spielberg and the movie was the much heralded Lincoln. Spielberg is indeed the consummate filmmaker. Even though my favorite directors are the Cohen brothers. He has a resume' second to none and his movies are almost always the stuff legends are made of. Unfortunately, this one will be included in that long line and undeservedly so...in my humble opinion.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln, simply because it was the movie Lincoln.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: I'm going out on a limb here and will say that Sally Field will NOT get the Oscar for her role in Lincoln. Mainly because I'm sure nobody wants to hear "You like me! You really like me!", again. I really liked Helen Hunt in The Sessions but I don't know if she has enough political capital in Hollywood to grab the prize. I think it's going to go to Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables. We'll see.

Cinematography: In my opinion this one has to go to Claudio Miranda for Life of Pi. Excellently done. If it goes to Lincoln that would be nothing more than a 'reach around' for Spielberg. 95% of the scenes were in dim lighting and absolutely colorless.

Costume Design: Hands down, must go to Paco Delgado for Les Miserables.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Will probably go to Argo.

Writing (Original Screenplay): Should go to...and will probably be the only one they get....Zero Dark Thirty.

And finally...even though there are several more categories....

Visual Effects:  Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliott for Life of Pi. Prometheus effects were pretty good, but the idiocy of the story will knock them out.

So, there you have it. Remember, you heard it here first.

Saturday, February 23, 2013


On the flight home yesterday I watched the movie 'Lincoln'. I was not impressed. By far, this was Steven Spielberg's weakest offering in some time. While historically accurate...to a good degree, about the workings on passing the 13th Amendment...I found the character portrayals stodgy and stiff. I also find it remarkable that Sally Field is being considered for anything other than a rotten tomato award. Her portrayal of Mary Lincoln was, at the very best, awkward.

Tommy Lee Jones as Thaddeus Stevens needs to go back to Men In Black. He looked very out of place in the period costume and his portrayal of one of the most powerful congressmen of the time was almost adequate. Hal Holbrook, one of the finest actors I've ever seen, was wasted in his part and I'm surprised he even took it. Daniel Day Lewis did a good job, but I couldn't help but think how old he looked from when I remember him in The Last of the Mohicans.

What bothered me the most was the movie droned on and on and on about the machinations behind the passing of the 13th Amendment. I hadn't done my homework and believed it was about the man's overall presidency and how he kept the Union together during the most trying of times. Boy, was I ever disappointed. No, it was about the importance of making sure slavery was abolished forever in the United States, once again focusing, and wrongly so, on slavery as the main reason the Civil War was fought. I had to shake my head and admit the revisionists of history have finally won. Everyone is having an orgasm over this movie and it has been nominated for more Academy Awards than any previous offering. It is just another testament to the stupidity the people of this nation has reached to fawn over a historical farce (concerning slavery) such as this one.

The South was almost completely agricultural, thanks to Whitney's cotton gin. With the transition from other crops to almost solely cotton, cheap labor was required and it was found in slaves. The North, on the other hand, moved to being an industrialized sector of the nation, with most of its people congregating in cities. What most fail to realize is the North's industry was the main consumer of the South's raw cotton, turning it into finished goods. In other words, both sides were making a tremendous amount of money on the backs of slave labor. So, those of you who sniff at the South and look at the North as the higher moral ground of the day...shut up. What happened was the North became more and more composed of different cultural groups who lived and worked closely together where, eventually, the economic attitudes changed over time. The South, however, held on to a distinct social order that was spread out across the rural countryside. Thus began the rift between the two.

While the subject of slavery was a cause for the war, it was not THE cause of the war. Slavery was mainly the poster child for State's rights over Federal power. Since the revolution up to the Civil War, there had been two major camps. One argued for greater State's rights while the other argued for greater Federal control. If one will take the time...which so many fail to do and just grab on to the first thing that comes out of some idiot's pie hole...and read the Articles of Confederation, the 13 states created a loose partnership with a very weak federal government. Would be that it twere today. When problems arose, the States realized a stronger 'fed' was needed, and thus the Constitutional Convention was held. It is important to note this convention was held in secret and did not include two of the most ardent supporters for State's rights...Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry. These two strongly believed the States should have the right to decide if they were going to accept certain federal acts. The idea of 'nullification' came about, whereby States would have the ability to declare federal acts unconstitutional. The federal government denied the States this right. John C. Calhoun was another vehement supporter of nullification, but was unsuccessful in his support. Do you not see that nowhere was slavery in the mix here? Once the States saw what they believed was their own right of soveriegnty wasn't being respected, the move to secession began.

Slavery became an issue of divisiveness years later after the country began to expand from the Lousiana Purchase and then after the Mexican War. Several territories wished to join the Union, and the anti-slave and pro-slavery sides started to argue over whether or not States could join as Slave States or Free States. In 1820, the Missouri Compromise was passed that prohibited slavery in states from the former Louisiana Purchase, according to latitudinal guidelines, except in Missouri. The Wilmot Proviso, circa 1846, would have banned slavery in the new lands acquired after the Mexican War. This was shot down after much debate within the federal government!! Then there was the Compromise of 1850, created by Henry Clay and others to try and find a balance between Free and Slave that would accommodate both Northern and Southern interests. Further tensions were aroused with the Kansas-Nebraska Act of 1854. This created two new territories that would allow them to use 'popular sovereignty' to determine what they would be. Pro-slavery Missourians caused the issue to come to a head when they began to pour into the new state of Kansas to force it into being a slave state. Soon, Kansas became a hot bed of violence. Lawrence, Kansas was the scene of several violent altercations between the two sides.

It was only then...ONLY...then, the north became more polarized against slavery. Sympathies began to grow exponentially for the abolitionist movement and against slavery and slaveholders. Some of the flash points for this was Uncle Tom's Cabin, the Dred Scott Case, John Brown's raid and the passage of the Fugitive Slave Act that held individuals responsible for hiding runaway slaves, even if they were located in non-slave states. Get it? The Federal government would file charges against people hiding slaves even if those people were in free states.

Then, there was the election of Abraham Lincoln in 1860. The South believed Lincoln was anti-slavery but....MORE importantly, they believed he was more in favor of Northern interests and not an all inclusive president. Soon after his election, South Carolina issued its Declaration of the Causes of Secession. It states, and rightly so, that the Federal Government was not carrying out its obligation to return runaway slaves, per federal law, and that the government had violated its contract of upholding the interests of the state...rightly so. The election of Lincoln expedited the event, as he was perceived as anti-South. Before he was inaugurated, seven states had seceded from the Union: South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana and Texas.

The Civil War was not about slavery, per se. It was about economics...state's rights...overreaching federal control...unconsitutional actions by the government...and, slavery.

So, where are we today? We have an economic implosion coming our way. We have a violation of State's rights that is wafting over us with increasing waves of potential tyranny from an overreaching federal government that is taking more and more control over our shrinking liberties and freedoms. We have a president who believes more in the power of his pen and executive orders than he does in the sanctity of the highest law of the land...the Consitution of the United States...and is blatantly committing unconsitutional acts as if he is an emperor.

Abraham Lincoln was a great president...and a Republican. It was and is a good thing that slavery was abolished. No man or woman should be held in bondage. But to portray one of the darkest moments in our history as being so simplified as this movie makes it out to be is a travesty of historical perspective and accuracy. Spielberg should go back to science fiction or the holocaust. Maybe another 'Saving Private Ryan' type movie. He doesn't really excel in this type of film. His slanted views are too obvious.

If You're Ever in the UK....

One of the most pleasurable experiences you can have in the United Kingdom is to take a long train ride. Be sure and get a first class ticket, though. The amenities aren't spectacular, but the car usually isn't crammed and the seats are a little more spacious.

On this trip, my colleague and I took the train from Glasgow to Aberdeen. An example of how this country has mass transit down to an art is thus. The schedule advised the train would leave at 11:41AM. We purchased our tickets and boarded at 11:35. Six minutes later, it pulled away from the station. Travel time was listed as 2 hours, 34 minutes. We arrived at the Aberdeen train station at 2:15PM. Exactly 2 hours, 34 minutes later. We made seven or eight stops along the way. But, when a UK train stops at a station, and you're slated to get on, you better be there. Two minutes later, it's gone. They have schedules to keep and make no apologies if you're late.

This particular train travels east until it reaches the coast line bordering the North Sea. On the way, there is some of the most exquisite farmland you will ever see. There are sheep by the thousands, grazing on the greenest pastures to be found anywhere. Shaggy cows and horses with their blankets are milling about and the odd farmer or two can be seen discing their fields. When we reached Stirling the William Wallace monument could be seen in the not too distant landscape, projecting upward from the tall hill it was built upon in the late 1800's. It's a magnificent, gothic structure that pays tribute to one of Scotland's greatest heros. Right before reaching the coast, rocky hills jut upward in beautiful shapes and sizes, sometimes towering above the roadways that hug close to their sides.

Then, the train turns sharply northward and the sea is just outside the right window of the car. On this day it's mildly angry with white caps coming off six and seven foot waves. It is a deadly mistress and one wonders how the Vikings were able to sail across it in their long boats to raid and pillage the Scottish and British coastal areas. Thousands upon thousands of people have been claimed by its violent waters, but yet it possesses a beauty that is almost mesmerizing. The rocky coast has been splendidly sculpted by centuries of wave and wind, beguiling the traveller with its rugged beauty.

The Scottish people are a hardy folk, most probably made that way by the harsh environment they live in. Many visitors complain of the cold and the driving wind, but it is those two things that help to make this area of the UK so special. To those of us who live in a warmer climate, 45 degrees is cold. In Scotland, it's a heat wave and when the sun comes out, so do the 'Sunshine Susies'. This is a nickname for the ladies that wear their short-shorts, halter tops and low cut blouses when the rest of us are wearing our long johns, coats, hats and scarves.

Finally, the train arrives in Aberdeen...the Granite City. It is truly unique, as there is no other city in the world like it. It would be safe to say that 95% of the city is made from a grayish-blue granite, dug from a massive quarry near the city center. With little sun to speak of, and almost always overcast, it can be a dull place when coupled with the dreary weather and cold stone that rises above the ground forming the churches, houses, businesses and such. But, to me, Aberdeen is a place of mystery, history and is a testament to the ability of man to carve out a livelihood in the most difficult of places. Scotland is a magnificent place with some of the finest scenery you can find anywhere. And, the people are some of the friendliest on the planet. If you ever go there, be sure and grab some fish and chips at Ashvale's. Tell 'em Robert sent you. They have the best haggis and the best haddock in the country. I have been blessed by the opporunity of putting my small footprints there on many occasions. And, I will never tire of it.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Is the Church of Today Defensible?

It depends on which church you are talking about. I'm not speaking of denomination, such as Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, etc. I'm talking about the true church...the real church...the bonafide church.

My belief in what that church is, is this. It is the church that believes in the fundamentals of the faith. By fundamentals, I mean the church that believes the Bible is the inerrant, supernaturally inspired Word of God; that Jesus is the only way to salvation; that he died for man's sins and rose physically alive from the grave and now stands at the right hand of the Father interceding on our behalf as THE high priest; that he was born of a virgin to prevent sin passing from Joseph to him, allowing him to be the perfect sacrifice for us all; that all have sinned and need the salvation that Jesus brings; and that there are none that do good...no, not one. That isn't all of them...but it's the most important ones.

I firmly believe we are living at the threshold of the last days. I could write a set of books on why, but it would bore most people and that isn't the purpose of this post. According to Revelation, the prevailing church in the last days will be exemplified by Laodicea. The one that was rich, increased with goods and had need of nothing...so said they. However, Christ admonished them as being poor, wretched, blind and naked. He even called out to the individuals of the day, knowing the church of Laodicea was a lost cause. In the previous six letters to the churches, he called out to them as a whole. That's how bad the last church age will be and, in my opinion, is right now.

Edmund Burke was quite correct when he said, "As the church goes, so goes the world." The reason that is true comes from Jesus himself. He said the chuch was the salt...the preservative...of the Earth. If you don't think this planet is spoiled beyond the church's repair, then please pass that joint your smoking...it's good stuff. Peter said the judgment of God begins with the church. Yet, there are 'Christians' lined up to point the finger elsewhere and have don't have the good sense to judge themselves. The world is lining up to worship a man...a man they believe can lead them to some kind of universal peace and prosperity. If you don't believe that, then you haven't been watching American politics for the last five years and need to come out of that cave you've been living in. Barack Obama is the precursor, the trial balloon, the test case of the devil and those he controls. Yes, this world is ripe for a government of one who will be the unholiest of them all. And whose fault is it? Not the sinner's. It's the fault of the predominant church of today. For if it weren't ruined to the core, then neither would the Earth be ruined.

In the letters to the churches in Revelation, one can glean that the true church will still exist alongside Laodicea in two categories, but they will be the vast minority. One is the church of Smyrna, the persecuted church. There are people all over Africa, Asia, the Middle East and the former Soviet Union who die every day and lose all they possess every day for their beliefs in the fundamentals of the faith. Then there is the church of Philadelphia, the evangelistic church. This is the one who realizes what the Great Commission was and is all about. They are mission minded, witness minded, and fierce as lions over meat when it comes to spreading the message of Christ. But, alas, they are too few. However, even now, the true church in China is sending missionaries to predominantely muslim countries with the Word. They haven't forgotten their own, though. The Word is spreading in China at a rate that is very worrisome to their godless government.

The problem with the Philadelphia church in places like China, is they don't have the resources like the church in America does. But, the church in America is more like Laodicea than Philadelphia. Oh, there are pockets of the Philadelphian church here, but the number pales in comparison with the Ed Young churches and the Joel Osteen churches and the Charles Stanley churches. Mega churches care more about spending the riches they bring in to continue being mega. If you go to one of these they have saunas and gyms and weight rooms and swimming pools and Starbucks and McDonalds and little shops and stores. A lot of them are a city unto themselves to serve those who come in and open their wallet to be the church in the church. The pastors in these churches are more interested in remaining famous and selling their books than preaching the blood. The blood is nasty and uncomfortable and doesn't bring in as much money as the message of 'You're okay and they're okay and everybody's okay and all you have to do is believe in your inner strength and that will make everything double and triple okay.' It's an abomination to the nostrils of God.

Instead of standing up on your hind legs and defending this whore, everyone who claims to be a Christian should fall prostrate and cry for forgiveness at being a part of this evil that has crept in and taken God's house and His people captive. If Jesus were here today, before the dispensation of God's grace fell over us like an umbrella of protection from his wrath, I submit to you He would fashion a whip and drive everyone out of His house. Is the Church of today defensible? Don't make me laugh.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Are You So Heavenly Conscious You're No Earthly Good?

That's a question every Christian should ask themselves. You see, not everyone is like you. There's a lot of people that don't know the Bible. They don't understand what prayer is. When you talk about spiritual things they have no clue what you're talking about. The word 'amen' might as well be greek to a lot of people for all it means to them.

I remember a pentecostal preacher came to my house one day and wanted to visit. I let him in, and let me preface this little story by saying he didn't know who I was, if I was a Christian...a church goer...a learned man or a third grade dropout. The conversation went something like this....

Preacher: Well, bless God; I'm so glad, bless God, that I have the opportunity today, bless God, to visit with you and talk about, bless God, the Holy Word of the Bible.

Me: Uh-huh.

Preacher: Bless God, how long you been livin' in (name of town), bless God?

Me: Before I tell you that, I have a question.

Preacher: Go ahead, bless God.

Me: Is that how you talk at home...to your wife...your children? Because if you say it is, I'll know you aren't telling me the truth. Nobody talks like that all the time. And, if you do, you need therapy.

I promise that's how it went. What if I had been a person that had never darkened the door to a church in my life? What if I had no idea what the word 'bless' really meant and why God needed it more than me? What's wrong with starting a conversation out about how hot it is or how the game went last Sunday or even about the dog they have? And what's wrong with talking like regular people and about regular stuff before you start freaking them out with all the 'blessings' you are about to 'amen' bring to them?

I wish I had a dollar every time I was at a funeral when some Christian would walk up to the bereaved and say something stupid like, "Well, they're in a better place now." I have news for you...they don't care. At that very moment they are hurting and they are suffering loss and anguish and they couldn't give two hoots in hell about your assessment of the situation. What they would really like is for someone to just be there for them and maybe keep their pie hole shut...for once.

The friends of Job get a lot of grief for not being much help to him after he had lost EVERTHING. But, I'll tell you this...in the beginning they knew how to be real friends. For an entire week they sat with him and kept him company and not once during those seven days did they open their trap. It wasn't until they started talking that their true idiocy came out.

Sometimes we can do more in the service of God by keeping our lips together than we ever can by spouting scripture and giving devotions or some type of moral platitude. I swear, it's like Christians never read the Bible. Or, they only take out what sticks to their ribs the best and leave the rest to stew in obscurity. The shallowness of those who make up the church today boggles my mind.

The only way a Christian can constantly talk only of God, only of the Bible, only of prayer, only of the Sunday sermon, only of the study group, only of the daily devotional, only of the revival and only of church related things is by ONLY associating with those of likemindedness and speaking to the same kind of people in the same kind of disgusting rut. You weren't called to be the church in the church. You were called to be the church in the WORLD...where lost people are. Speaking to them in a language they can understand, about things that are real to THEM, about their trouble, trials, tribulations, heartaches and for once listening to them instead of yapping about your God and his salvation and his holy Word. For if you come to them on their ground, loving them where they are as they are....they will see Him in you for what He really is and who HE really is and at the precise moment the Spirit has them prepared to receive it, He will give you the freedom to speak it and win that person over.

So, get off of Facebook with all your Christian friends trying to out-holy each other and go to where the true need is for all that spirituality that seems to be leaking out of your pores and put it to good use where it needs to be. Read the part where Jesus was breaking bread with the publicans and the sinners and eating with them and drinking with them and being with them. He wasn't glad handing with the church folk of his day...he went where he was needed. Otherwise, the answer to the blog title's question is plain to see. You're too heavenly conscious to be any earthly good and God might as well take you out of it right now.

And keep your comments about me to yourself. I've been out there and risked my life on more than one occasion and I've stood behind the sacred desk and been skewered enough times to be called Brother Shishkabob. I've been where the demons are and have beaten the bushes in the highways and the byways. When you've done all that, then come back and talk to me. Otherwise, take a cue from Job's friends and shut your mouth.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Top Ten things that are 'right' in the world....

Not listed in order of importance:

1.  America is still great
2.  Air conditioning
3.  Great Britain
4.  Liberals...for they show us how we are NOT to think
5.  The internet, even with all its faults
6.  Texas
7.  Texas steaks
8.  Houston
9.  Fox News women (Roowwrrrr)
10. The Bible

Granted, some of these are tongue in cheek...others are not. I'll leave it to you to decide which.

Friday, February 8, 2013

To Rosemary...

A friend of mine put this up on her Facebook site. Being the old, gnarly, bah-humbug curmudgeon I am, I couldn't resist posting it here and adding my comments in bold print. A 90 year old woman put down these 42 lessons in life.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Unless you're a poor person in Hong Kong who lives in a 62 sq. ft. cage. Unless you live in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Afghanistan, etc etc.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. It's usually the one that leads over the cliff and then your worries are over.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it. If you're ninety, it hasn't been short.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. True about the job, not always true about the friends and family. Hard times and sickness shows you very rapidly who were really friends and if your family was ever worth a damn.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And eat with what?

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself. If I voluntarily lose an argument, how is that being true to myself?

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. I like crying alone. In my case, my misery doesn't like company.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check. NOW she tells me.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. First thing she's said that makes complete sense.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. No. Still have some 'get evens' to take care of. Thank you anyway.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry. Only when a beloved member of the family dies. Other than that, be a rock in front of them.

12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Not sure what this one really means since I have never done this.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it... What if I'm a CIA operative?

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. What if you have lung cancer?

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways. Okay, lady...I'm not giving up my matchbook collection for you are anybody else!

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. Unless a biker gang just beat you down in the parking lot and you can't get up.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else. Did you not hear what I just said about the biker gang?

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. But I might have to take 'broke' for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. Ewwwww. I just had a brain shot of a 90 year old in fancy lingerie. Ewww!!!

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow. NEVER!!! I'm a salmon...not a lemming.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. Wear purple and you're eccentric? I thought if you were Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress...THAT was eccentric.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain. 90 years old and doesn't know squat.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. Please refer to Item 16.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' Doesn't always work. One of my disasters lasted nearly 20.

25. Always choose life. Mine or someone else's? I have to tell you, if three guys bust in my house, I'm choosin' bullets for dem guys.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.  Only God can forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business. And what I think of them is none of theirs. Unless I choose to tell them. Which I do. A lot.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. Not true. Unless you're a weenie.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. Obviously has never suffered from a terminal illness.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.. And how would you know?

31. Believe in miracles. As we all should.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. Okay, I'm making the most of it. Satisfied?

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. I don't know. I sure would have made a good looking corpse at 25.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Not anymore. Thanks to the internet and a public school system run amok.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. What about how many? Doesn't that matter? heh heh heh.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. You already mentioned miracles. I think her Old-timer's is kickin' in.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. I seriously doubt that. Give me Donald Trump's problems. PLEASE!!!!

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need. See Item 37.

39. The best is yet to come... Really? I will now kill myself.

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. And once you get there...throw up.

41. Yield. I wrote this one day...."An angry man is a happy man, for he yields his will to none. No king nor prince shall call him out to see their bidding done." Yeah...I like that.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift." The only problem is...you can't return it for a do-over.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Excuse Me....

But all of YOU people out there who get offended about something, or claim you're about to get offended or want justice for being offended or have started organizations that try to stop people from being offended or file lawsuits to get money from being offended....get a life.

I'm offended that you're offended. I'm offended by the fact that I have to go to work every day. It offends the hell out of me. I'm offended that my parents weren't super wealthy when I was born. I'm offended that I'm not worshipped by all who know me and who don't know me. I'm offended by our government, your government, everybody's government. I'm offended that gorgeous women aren't lined up, trying to knock my door down to have their way with me. I'm offended that everybody doesn't think just like me, talk just like me, believe just like me. I'm offended at every other religion out there that isn't the one I follow. Abortion on demand offends me, gun control offends me, Obamacare offends me, taxes offend me, and the fact that Game of Thrones, Season Three, doesn't start until March offends me HIGHLY. I'm offended by the liberal media, the conservative media, the Democrats, the Republicans, the Independents, the Socialists, the Communists and the Fascists and the Nazis. I'm offended by black people, latino people, asian people, arab people, white people and mostly Californians.  In fact, I'm offended by people in general.

I'm offended by the social and cultural structures that exist in every corner of the world. I'm offended by war, murder, rape, child predation, human trafficking, robbing, burgling, terrorizing and any other kind of mayhem that might fall under that category.

I'm offended at women who wear clothes that don't have enough cotton to stuff an aspirin bottle and then get offended when you ogle them. Hey Miss...if you don't want men staring at your boobs, PUT SOME FREAKIN' CLOTHES ON. We're men...that's what we do and no amount of mental castration will stop us from taking a peek.

I'm offended that commodity prices are high and pay is low. I'm offended by the ecology nuts, vegans, vegetarians and all those who are against the Big Gulp. I'm offended by prisoners who demand air conditioning in our prisons, the slowness of depopulating death row, and the recidivism rate of criminals. Liberal thought offends me...wait a minute...liberals can't think. Okay, I'm offended by the brainlessness that comes out of liberals' pie-holes. I'm offended that the sun refuses to try something different....like maybe just one time rise in the north and set in the frikkin' south. I'm offended the moon doesn't stay full all the time.

I'm offended the Texans aren't in the Super Bowl, the Astros aren't in the World Series and the Rockets actually have a player nicknamed 'The Beard'. I'm offended a tire for my Mercedes costs more than threeeeeee hundred dollars and that Fords, Chevys, Kias, Toyotas, and every other kind of car isn't programmed to get the hell out of my way when I'm on the road. Speed limits offend me, traffic rules offend me, and the fact I don't have a personal lane to go to and from work offends me.

Yes, it's all about me and the fact it isn't offends me. It's offensive to me the Moooozlims want to use the word Allah when they say the pledge of allegiance, when we all know they don't mean it when they say the pledge anyway.  It offends me that everyone is so ignorant to think Islam is a religion when it is actually a form of government disguised as a religion. It offends me that Christians, on the whole, are more sickened by the blood that bought them than they are about the watered down and unholy stuff that comes off as the Gospel these days.

It is my sincere hope this blog post offends someone, because the offended like company. Actually, it's ridiculous to see all the news about who gets offended concerning what. We are becoming a society...on a planetary scale...that errantly believes you can make everybody happy. So when one 'in the netherspere' group harps up about being offended, all these measures are taken to make sure they are happy. If there's one thing I learned in life, you can't make everybody happy. The second thing I learned about life is that a lot of times it sucks and there will always be people out there who go out of their way to be offensive. Get over it. Live your life and stop worrying about being offended or those who whine about being offended.

And if you are one of the people offended by this post....GOOD.