To Rosemary...

A friend of mine put this up on her Facebook site. Being the old, gnarly, bah-humbug curmudgeon I am, I couldn't resist posting it here and adding my comments in bold print. A 90 year old woman put down these 42 lessons in life.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Unless you're a poor person in Hong Kong who lives in a 62 sq. ft. cage. Unless you live in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Afghanistan, etc etc.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. It's usually the one that leads over the cliff and then your worries are over.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it. If you're ninety, it hasn't been short.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. True about the job, not always true about the friends and family. Hard times and sickness shows you very rapidly who were really friends and if your family was ever worth a damn.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And eat with what?

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself. If I voluntarily lose an argument, how is that being true to myself?

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. I like crying alone. In my case, my misery doesn't like company.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check. NOW she tells me.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. First thing she's said that makes complete sense.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. No. Still have some 'get evens' to take care of. Thank you anyway.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry. Only when a beloved member of the family dies. Other than that, be a rock in front of them.

12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Not sure what this one really means since I have never done this.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it... What if I'm a CIA operative?

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. What if you have lung cancer?

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways. Okay, lady...I'm not giving up my matchbook collection for you are anybody else!

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. Unless a biker gang just beat you down in the parking lot and you can't get up.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else. Did you not hear what I just said about the biker gang?

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. But I might have to take 'broke' for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. Ewwwww. I just had a brain shot of a 90 year old in fancy lingerie. Ewww!!!

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow. NEVER!!! I'm a salmon...not a lemming.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. Wear purple and you're eccentric? I thought if you were Lady Gaga wearing a meat dress...THAT was eccentric.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain. 90 years old and doesn't know squat.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. Please refer to Item 16.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' Doesn't always work. One of my disasters lasted nearly 20.

25. Always choose life. Mine or someone else's? I have to tell you, if three guys bust in my house, I'm choosin' bullets for dem guys.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.  Only God can forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business. And what I think of them is none of theirs. Unless I choose to tell them. Which I do. A lot.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. Not true. Unless you're a weenie.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. Obviously has never suffered from a terminal illness.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.. And how would you know?

31. Believe in miracles. As we all should.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. Okay, I'm making the most of it. Satisfied?

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. I don't know. I sure would have made a good looking corpse at 25.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Not anymore. Thanks to the internet and a public school system run amok.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. What about how many? Doesn't that matter? heh heh heh.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. You already mentioned miracles. I think her Old-timer's is kickin' in.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. I seriously doubt that. Give me Donald Trump's problems. PLEASE!!!!

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need. See Item 37.

39. The best is yet to come... Really? I will now kill myself.

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. And once you get there...throw up.

41. Yield. I wrote this one day...."An angry man is a happy man, for he yields his will to none. No king nor prince shall call him out to see their bidding done." Yeah...I like that.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift." The only problem is...you can't return it for a do-over.