During the course of my life I've found out a few things about me that had always been conjecture or hypothesis on how I would react in certain situations or how my life would turn out. Since some things haven't happened to us, we wonder sometimes what we would do if they did occur. Here's a few things I've discovered, after the fact.
1. I will pull the trigger. Back in 1993, two burglars attempted a break-in of my home one morning. I suppose they had seen my wife and younger daughter leave and took it upon themselves to come in and grab the stuff I had worked all my life collecting. My oldest daughter was in the home with me. Being in a wheelchair (paralyzed from spina bifida), I couldn't scoop her up and run. Their were two decisions. One, leave my daughter and run next door to call the police. Two, stand and fight. The first choice was never considered. I have always been proud of that. Retrieving my little Charter Arms .38 Special snub nosed pistol, I positioned myself near the door...that was splintering, by the way...and cocked the hammer. Without going into too much detail, there was an altercation...I fired once...and the two bad guys crapped their pants and ran away. Later, my oldest daughter told her mother the bad guys came, but daddy chased them away. One of my proudest moments.
2. I won't abandon my family. When my daughter was born with spina bifida in 1982, it was one of the most stressful times for us. Medical bills were reaching outside the solar system, we were both devastated emotionally, and things spiralled out of control. I remember every morning, while driving to work, thinking about not going to the office. Instead of making that right turn off the highway, like I did every morning, I thought about going straight and never looking back. However, it was just a thought. I always took that right turn. If I were ever going to continue to call myself a 'man', I had to. It's what we do.
3. I'm not afraid to die. In October, 2010, I went in for a procedure to put a stent in one of my arteries. When they woke me up, I was informed that it was a miracle I had not already had a massive heart attack. My arteries were 85 to 99 % blocked and they were unable to complete the angioplasty. The heart surgeon wanted to take me in right away for a quadruple bypass. I informed him that wasn't going to happen, that I needed to get my head around what I had just been told. He advised if I didn't go in right away, the next available opportunity was in four days. I told him that would give me enough time to make arrangements (should the worst happen) and mentally prepare myself for the coming recovery (if the best should happen). That's when the doctor said, "Mr. Coward, you may not live four more days." To which I replied, "Well, if I don't, then I won't be your frikkin' problem anymore, now will I?" I was only afraid of the question of if I would still be able to take care of my family afterwards. The thought of dying wasn't a concern. Weird.
4. I can live with the hard choices. I won't go into detail, but I came to a crossroads that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It was a real life and death decision. If I were to choose to take the life of one (legally, by the way), it would save two. If I chose not to take that life, then three would most likely die. Stipulations were placed on me regarding the first choice that were hard to fathom. It was made clear to me the decision would be mine and mine alone, and that I would be the sole responsible party. I chose to take that life for the sake of the two. If I had it to do all over again, I would do nothing different. I have learned to live with the pain and inner angst; moving along with my life.
5. It's been an exciting adventure. I began to travel in 1981. My first port-of-call was Rotterdam, Holland. Since then, I have lived in London and Johor Bahru, Malaysia. I have been to Singapore, Tokyo, South Korea, Norway, Belgium, France, Germany, Spain, Gibraltar, Morocco, Nigeria, Mexico, Trinidad, Venezuela and the Bahamas. While living in London I travelled all over Great Britain and saw Stonehenge, Dover Castle and the White Cliffs, Canterbury Cathedral, The Tower of London, Windsor Castle, the Roman Baths, Hadrian's Wall, Loch Ness, Penzance, York Minster Cathedral and many other castles and landscapes. I have sailed the North Sea, the Mediterranean, the Caribean, the South China Sea, the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. I have been at the top of the Eiffel Tower and in the seige tunnels of Gibraltar. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to travel to so many places and see so many things and have it all paid for by the companies I worked for. I look back and think about how fleeting it all was, and it makes me glad I didn't take the time for granted. I treasured it and took with me the things that were best about it all. I have lived, and not everyone can say that.
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