*****************************
To me, Elizabeth Taylor, during her Cleopatra hey-day, was the most physically beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her voice was smooth as silk and she moved like a voluptuous cat on the prowl. It was obvious she was hard to live with...by the number of husbands that moved through her revolving door, but I'm not talking about her psyche.
However, Marilyn Monroe is the quintessential picture of sex appeal. The camera loved her and I seriously doubt she had the capability to take a bad photo. Clothed or unclothed, Marilyn Monroe was not only beautiful, but her eyes captivated and her lips invited and her robust figure tantalized any normal, heterosexual man that ever saw her. When she spoke, it was like an innocent girl who could be swayed. Her voice belied a faux pas vulnerability that would make a man raise his eyebrow and think, "Oh yeah, she's a possibility."
Marilyn died August 5th, 1962, and she is still held up as one of the most beautiful women who ever graced the silver screen. Think about it. For the last fifty-one years, her image continues to grace magazines, books, commercials, posters, etc. Her face and form is the most celebrated, and none of the beauties who followed have come close to capturing the imaginations of men like Marilyn Monroe. Until now.
Meet the new queen of beauty and sex appeal. Kate Upton. Now, for you ladies that might be reading this, you can stop now. This post isn't for you. It's for us guys who have nothing better to do than look at women like this and wish we were young once again. This has to be the most beautiful, perfectly packaged, all-in-one sex appeal stick of nuclear dynamite that has come down the pike since Marilyn sang Happy Birthday to John F. Kennedy.
Does she have brains? Who cares? I'll never be within fifty miles of her and even if I was she wouldn't pee on me if I was on fire. That's not the point. Yes, she will get old and those perfect breasts will one day be hanging around her knobby knees and the cellulite will eventually take over and the wrinkles will mar her face and her butt cheeks will sag with the pull of years of constant gravity...but it ain't happened yet, so why harp on what's going to happen.
I readily admit I'm a dirty old man for salivating and slobbering over a 21 year old girl. But, I think I know absolute physical beauty when I see it AND I also know when that beauty is oozing bucket after bucket of sex appeal.
Therefore, I have started the organization called CLONE KATE UPTON FOR EVERYONE. President Obama is being called upon to issue one of his executive order thingys to bring Kate Upton into captivity for the rest of her natural life. Scientists and geneticists will extract her DNA on a daily basis and start re-creating her en masse. Now, Kate Clones will be expensive, so I'm already saving up for mine. The good news is that as the clones are taking shape, they will be brain-wash....er....uh....programmed, to see to your every desire. You know....like baking and cleaning and washing clothes. You want to be the absolute life of this year's company Christmas Party? No problem with Kate Clone 502 hangin' on your arm. You want to be known as BMOC? The news will spread like wildfire when you get one of these babies. Just send $5 to my organization for a full, one year membership. You will receive monthly updates on the progress of your Kate Clone, with chat rooms to discuss with your personally assigned geneticist how to successfully integrate Kate Clone in your happy home. I mean...really guys. Would you really pass up this opportunity? If you say yes, you are either a religious zealot who thinks beauty is a sin, or you're gay. It's that simple.
Seriously, though...my hope is that she doesn't end up like Marilyn or Anna Nicole. The hype that surrounds her every move must be maddening and hard to take. But, that's the life she chose and how glad I am that she did. I don't worship the physical, but I do appreciate it. And in my humble opinion, that body rivals....if not dethrones....Marilyn Monroe's. I can't believe I just said that. I still love ya Marilyn...but you have competition.
No comments:
Post a Comment