A good friend of mine sent me a poll that was taken about our fair country...the good ole U. S. of A. Now, I don't agree with him very much, because he's a diehard liberal socialist who prays to Charles Darwin every night and has been banished by all decent folk to the desert...forever. We hope. Anyway, I was extremely pleased by the results of the poll. Let me tell you why.
Many questions were asked so the responder could vote which State best described the issue posed. There were two that delighted me to no end. One was that of all the States one would like to see kicked out of the union, Texas was voted as their first choice. Naturally, when the question came up as to which State they disliked the most...it was Texas.
I guess my first question is what's the hold up? We want out so bad we can taste it. It pleases me that if we did decide to try and secede again, we might not have the blessed opposition we had the first time. Sounds like everyone would be glad to throw a parade on our way out. I'd be glad to be in it. The only reason we got into this mess to begin with is because we were broke. In 1836, we didn't quite have the infrastructure that's in place today. It only got worse by 1861 and the rest is history. Our gross domestic product rivals that of 90% of other industrialized countries. We have the ports, the industry and the downright wherewithal to go it alone...thank you very much. And, you think you're paying for gas now? Wait 'til we choke the ole spicket until you cough up some more cash. Most of you have no idea how many 36" pipelines go from this State to all you tree huggers screaming about oil and driving your SUV's at the same time. Those pipelines? They carry nothing but gasoline so you can drive your SUV's. The Exxon refinery in Baytown, Texas refines more than five-hundred thousand barrels of oil every single day. That's just ONE of our refineries.
As far as the other 49 not liking us? That's a laugher. Hell, read your history and see how much consternation there was in Congress when we petitioned to join. While all you pretend history-hacks get red faced over how the Civil War was all about slavery, the induction of Texas in the union was the initial stepping stone leading to the Civil War. We haven't been liked since day one. What's more, we like not being liked. That only adds to the unique character of its inhabitants and the enigma that surrounds our way of life and history.
We like being able to tell y'all that Texas is the only State in the union that used to be its own country. We like telling y'all that Texas is the only State that can legally fly its flag at equal height to the U.S. flag. We like telling y'all that Texas has the right to split itself into five States. I wish we would. That would give us more conservative representatives and senators and MAN that would mess you all up. We like telling y'all that the San Jacinto Monument, just outside of Houston, is eighteen inches taller than the Washington Monument in D.C. Yeah...we're better than George 'freakin' Washington. We like telling y'all that we won't stop 'clinging' to our guns and religion, because when it gets right down to it, those are the only two things that keep a man free. We like telling y'all that we have another oil boom goin' on down heah, and the Eagle Shale is one more reminder why we don't feel the economy's pinch as bad you do because of it. We like telling y'all that we firmly believe everything is bigger in Texas. And, we mean EVERYTHING. But what we like telling y'all out there beyond the borders of the greatest State in the union...the Lone Star State...the least liked and most wanted of the U.S.A. State to be gone....what we REALLY like telling y'all...is this.....
Screw you...we're from Texas.
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