Smorgasbord Friday

Randy Lee Tenley, 44, of Kalispell, Montana, died last week. Apparently, he was wearing a sniper outfit called a 'ghillie' suit...at night...on the side of a busy highway....attempting to initiate a Sasquatch or Bigfoot sighting. One 15 year old girl came driving by and struck Randy, knocking him out into the middle of the road. A second girl, 17, came driving by and ran over poor Randy, administering the final and fatal coup de grace. One of the police officers told a local TV news station that 'he would not have been easy to see', as the ghillie suit covers the entire body in dark, camouflaged clothing made to resemble foliage. His motives of trying to get people to call in about Sasquatch were determined by interviews with friends and relatives. I wasn't disappointed in looking at what else may have contributed to Randy's demise when the officer went on to say that alcohol was probably involved. One of the policemen said what I was thinking...."You can't make this stuff up."

**********

I know this won't surprise you, but researchers are very excited that they have discovered the peeing habits of Pandas. As you know, the fate of the free world rests on our knowledge of how Pandas pee. Because Pandas have a diminished mating window, it is extremely important they find the perfect spot to do their business. Not only that, they have a particular method of accomplishing the urination process. It seems they 'bust' out a handstand and let 'er fly. This way, no drop is wasted as they tend to splatter their odious scent all over the widest tree they can find for greater effect in attracting that perfect Panda Playmate of the Year. I feel safer knowing that we now know what Pandas have known all along.

**********

I don't know about prisons in other States, but I know you really don't want to go to prison in Texas. You see, we aren't just the most prolific death row vacancy maker in the Union, we also don't air condition our jails. In the summer, that means Texas prisons can get even more dangerous than normal.  In 2011, during July and August of last year, at least 10 inmates died from heat related deaths. Heat indexes around Texas, in the dog days of summer, reach abnormally high levels inside buildings with no air conditioning. One Texas prison recorded a heat index of 150 degrees last year. The Texas Civil Rights Project has filed suit over the death of one inmate near Dallas. When they found him, his body temperature was 109. He slipped into a coma and died. In the Texas vernacular, we don't cotton to crime down he'ah and don't really care how bad you got it in prison. As State Senator John Whitmire (D-Houston) said, “I’m sorry about the conditions, but I guess I could be real direct and say, you know, if you don’t want to be there, don’t commit a crime."  Prison officials have long argued that Texas taxpayers wouldn’t tolerate spending money on air conditioning for convicts. He's correct. “We have limited taxpayer dollars and resources,” Whitmire said. “And we need to use it as best we can. And it’s not going to be spent for air conditioning of our prisons.” I guess if you want to stay cool...don't break the law in Texas.

**********

Ludowici, Georgia: Four Army soldiers killed a former buddy and his girlfriend for fear they would expose an anarchist militia group they had formed. One of the conspirators had used nearly a hundred thousand dollars from a half million dollar life insurance policy to buy automatic weapons, other guns, bomb components and land in Washington State for the militia's use. He got the half million from the death of his pregnant wife a year earlier that authorities are now saying....looks suspicious. These guys were very serious in that their plans included taking over Fort Stewart, bombing a dam in Washington State, as well as poisoning its apple crop...eventually topple the government and assassinate the President. The murder of their former buddy and his woman is what gave them away, since....like most criminals...they didn't cover their tracks very well. The short lived group had a cool acronym, though. It was the only thing they really used their brains for. F.E.A.R. Short for Forever Enduring Always Ready. I hope they're ready to endure prison. Because that's where they be a'goin'.

**********

Now, on to INTOLERANCE OF THE PARTIES!!!! 
1.  Yahoo News' Washington Bureau Chief was fired Wednesday after he was caught on a hot mic joking that Republicans are 'happy to have a party' while black people drown. The comment was made by David Chalian during live coverage of the RNC in Tampa. It was...allegedly...a reference to Republicans starting their convention while Isaac churned toward New Orleans.

2.  Next act of intolerance goes to Samuel L. Jackson. I don't know where these Hollywood types get off thinking that we want to hear them say something that actually came out of their own brain. We only want to hear them recite lines that somebody else wrote and do things on screen that a director told them to do. Otherwise, they need to shuttup. Here was his tweet when he discovered Isaac wasn't going to hit Tampa:   Unfair S***: GOP spared by Issac ! NOLA prolly F***ed Again! Not understanding God's plan!"

 This led to several people tweeting him back and lambasting him for being so blatantly intolerant. Jackson then tweeted some kind of possibly LSD enduced apology:

"Daayum! Poked a Hornets nest, hunh? Apologies to God, Tampa, da GOP& Isaac(sp)! Who played the Race card?!"

How about this, Samuel. Just go make another movie better than Snakes on a Plane. Sheesh.

3.  Mia Love, a black, woman mayor in Utah running for Congress, spoke at the RNC the other night and did an outstanding job. Then, someone broke onto her Wikipedia site and posted the following: (Warning! Offensive Material to Follow!!)

 So, in other words she is a total sell-out to the Right Wing Hate Machine and the greedy bigots who control the GOP and love to see people like Mia Love be exploited like the house nigger she truly is.

   But, it's the Right Wing that is waging a war on women. Notice how this disgusting person accuses the GOP of being bigots, and then refers to Mayor Love as a house n*****. Shameful and repulsive.

4. But, the Democrats didn't corner the market on being idiots. The Republicans got in on the racial hatred as well. Two Republican delegates were taken out of the RNC for throwing nuts at a CNN black camera woman and saying, "This is how we feed animals!" They needed to be thrown out and were. I hope they were not allowed back in.

These kind of things are deplorable behavior, no matter who is doing it. I don't know why we can't be civil to one another and still have differing opinions and ideas.

**********

Last but not least, while the Texans were playing the Minnesota Vikings on Thursday night, Aug. 30, a 25 year old man named Jonathan Kelly decided to show off his lack of circus skills by sliding down one of the handrails of an escalator. As fate would have it, he lost his balance and fell the equivalent of three stories, landing on concrete. We all know that at 25 years of age, one is ten feet tall and bullet proof...at least in their minds. Mr. Kelly died at the hospital. While this is a sad story and I don't wish this upon anyone, I can't help but be reminded of an old joke. Do you know what the last words of a redneck are? "Hey guys! Watch this!" Now watch his family sue Reliant Stadium, the Texans, Bob McNair, Gary Kubiak and the Texans' Cheerleaders for not having a sign posted that read....TO ALL IDIOTS: DO NOT TRY TO SLIDE DOWN THE HANDRAIL!

That's it for this edition of Smorgasbord Friday. Have a great Labor Day Weekend and try not to do anything stupid. You might not live through it.