Thursday, October 18, 2012

Hollywood Remakes

Well, it looks like Hollywood is out of ideas again. Now comes the remake of 'Carrie'. Oh, and the spinsters are saying it's the BEST remake EVER. Yeah. I'm sure it is.

They stepped over the line when the Coen brothers remade True Grit. Now, I've heard it was a good movie, and I do not doubt it. The Coen brothers are two of the best movie makers in the business. But, it is absolute sacrilege to remake a John Wayne movie. Especially the only movie where he won an Academy Award. To remake a John Wayne movie is almost like selling your soul to the devil. They can do remakes all they want to...just leave the Duke alone. His movies are sacred as far as I'm concerned. I didn't go see it in the theatre and I won't watch it on Pay Per View or on DVD. I just won't watch it...EVER.

The remake of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers, with Donald Sutherland, was pretty good. But most remakes are done because Generation X wasn't around to see the first ones. To them, it's all new stuff. If they ever decide to do a remake of Gone With The Wind, I think we should all march to LA and burn down the studio. All of us. There are some movies that transcend the notion of 'doing it better'.

It's fair to say that Hollywood has run out of fresh ideas, but the sheeple continue to flood the ticket booths to watch these rehashed and not-so-well re-done re-redos. You think I'm exaggerating? Take a look at the list below of planned remakes that Hollywood is either thinking about or have in production. I've only included the most inane.

Dredd, Evil Dead, Red Dawn, Robocop, All Quiet on the Western Front, Annie, A Star is Born, Mad Max: Fury Road, Pet Sematary, Point Break, The Crow, An American Werewolf in London, Barbarella, Dirty Dancing, The Never Ending Story, The Seven Samurai, War Games, Time Bandits, The Birds (remake Hitchcock? Hitchcock????), Death Wish, Escape from New York (gotta love Snake Pliskin), Highlander, Lethal Weapon (didn't they have 42 sequels to this one?), My Fair Lady (You've GOT to be kidding), Little Shop of Horrors, Romancing the Stone, Porky's, Scarface, Short Circuit, The Warriors (NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!), The Wild Bunch (remake a Peckinpah? Peckinpah????), and Westworld....just to name a few....that ain't all of 'em.

I have a screenplay that doesn't look like, taste like, smell like any of those. It's fresh, new, based on actual events, which I thought people loved, and what's more...I'll sell it cheap.  All a producer has to do is go to my me an e-mail, and I'll be willing to talk turkey and smoke peace pipe.

Admittedly, some of the movies in the list above were bad the first time around. But several of them should be regarded as timeless classics and left the hell alone. But, when you have a gazillion dollars, I've found out, it also means that you lose all comprehension of what common sense even means. I've known a lot of rich people and the vast majority can't tie their own shoelaces. Oh, they can make money hand over fist. Yet, they can't see beyond their noses when it comes to practical matters.

I rarely go to the movies these days, anyway. But when I sit down in front of my TV and scan the pay per view movies on Comcast, I guarantee I won't be watching any remakes. They'll just have to make money without my nickel.

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