Saturday, October 13, 2012

Sour Grapes and Hacks

I can't stand Fox News. Literally can't stand 'em. I don't mind the actual 'news' stuff, but the Opinion guys make me sick. Now, I fully realize a lot of this is sour grapes on my part...and I admit it. But I can't stomach Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly or most of their constantly reoccuring guests. Of all the people they have on, Charles Krauthammer is one of the few I like to listen to. But, I digress.

The two that are the focus of my angst I have already mentioned. It seems like every time I turn the channel to see who they have as guests it's always Ann Coulter, the Skeletor of our time, or Dick Morris. Ann Coulter needs to eat a few Big Macs and Dick needs to back away from the table more often. Can't they find a happy medium somewhere in their dietary habits? As far as substance, I like to hear what Dick Morris has to say about current political events. Other than that, he should stop typing and shut up.

If you don't watch these two shows, try it for about a week. One thing you'll notice is these guys and their guests shoot out books like a hippo on Ex-Lax. And it's all garbage. All of it. Morris is hawking his new book, Here Come the Black Helicopters. Ooooooo. I'm so scared. Oooooo. Thank you Dick for warning me. Ooooooo. Where's my cave???? "Hey Martha! Grab the ammo and the MRE's. The Black choppers are comin'!" Whenever I tune in, it's like I'm on Bourbon Street with the guys outside the sex show bars saying, "We got the best women, the best prices, the best booze, yadda yadda yadda." But all it is is crap. I hear.

O'Reilly has made almost 30 million dollars on his book sales alone. What has he written that's actually entertaining? What has he written that helps people escape into another world, another time, another place and just sit back and enjoy a story? He hasn't. What he writes is political gobble-dee-gook that is meant to scare, divide, disturb and paint a dark picture for our future.

Tell me. Do you not already know it's bad? Do you not already know that the whole world is in turmoil? And, do you not already know that as an individual there isn't a whole helluva lot you can do about it? I am fully aware that our government, whether run by Democrats or Republicans, is out of control and will probably remain that way. We have been and are being reduced to nothing more than cattle for the power elite to feed off of. Okay, I know it. I don't need regurgitated upon regurgitated books by Hannity, O'Reilly, Coulter, Morris, et al to tell me what I already know.

They all are a bunch of hacks. All of 'em. "Welcome Mr. Guest, to the Sean Hannity show, glad to have you with us today so we can tell everybody about your new book, "Why Obama Won't Tell You He's From Mars", and so I can have the chance to plug my new book, "Obama's Not From Mars, He's From Uranus".  And be sure and tune in tomorrow when Ann Coulter will be here to whore her new book, "We're All Dead if Obama Gets Re-Elected", where I will also prostitute my latest book, that I'm finishing tonight, "We're All Dead No Matter What...So Read This Book to Know Why". We finish the week with Dick Morris, who will drool over his upcoming profits for the book, "I Was Wrong...They're Not Black Helicopters, They're Pink Helicopters, And Why the Color of the Helicopters Make a Difference in How You're All Going to Die". By then, I will have finished with my next book, "Pink Helicopters Won't Kill You, But Liberalism Will". Well, that's all the time we have for today.  I want to apologize to Mr. Guest for not giving him a chance to say one single solitary word, but at least we mentioned the title of his book. After all, that's what we're here for. Good night, and good luck."

They're laughing at YOU, the purchaser of their bilgewater, all the way to the bank. Now, I know that some people will say, "But, they're just trying to inform us!" "They're on our side!" Or, "Better than the crap you write!" First, they're not just trying to inform us. They are trying to make money and doing a great job at it because of idiots that shell it out. Secondly, they are on THEIR side of filling their pockets. Thirdly, they have the position, title and money from their celebrity to gain the attention of any publisher, agent or publicist to make sure they have the best editors and best ad programs money can buy. If my stuff is crap, it's because all I have is me to write it. I have been told, however, by those who have actually purchased my work, that I'm a pretty damned good writer. Since my mother is dead, you can't place my accolades on her.

I'm about to finish a four month long radio campaign for one of my books. I took a big chance and laid down 5000 dollars to promote it. Have I seen an increase in sales? Yes, I have. But it did not meet my expectations. And I have the book selling at .99 cents for Pete's sake. I've looked into hiring a publicist. Do you know how much that costs? Only someone who has a lot of money, and I mean a LOT of money, can hire a publicist. I finally had a publisher pick up my Western and will soon have a professional editor to assist me in fine tuning it. It won't be out until July next year and I can't wait. Yet, without the ability to get the word out on a grand scale, it has little hope of helping me to just retire, much less become filthy rich.

 I don't write political books. Maybe I should start. But, first I have to get my own TV opinion show on Fox News and become a hack. I just don't think I could do what they do. I don't have enough hair on top of my head. Excuse me while I go eat a bowl of sour grapes.

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