Friday, October 26, 2012

Smorgasbord Friday

Ever since I grew up and learned to appreciate the physical wiles of women, I've always said there ain't nothin' sexier than a woman with a gun. I had no idea that anyone would take it to another level. Hernando County, Florida deputies were confronted by a woman with a gun...and she was naked. Buck naked. For some reason they believed she was 'irrational'. In fact, the sheriff said it was obvious that just by being naked, in public, meant she was not in her right mind and was acting irrational. So, as any reasonable officer would do...they shot her. She did not survive.

From the time I was 12 years old, I've been taught how to handle a gun and that when you are in the woods you don't shoot at anything unless you're absolutely certain you know what it is. Obviously, this lesson was never taught to a particular male individual in Freedom, Pennsylvania.  Seems there was a 9 year old girl wearing a black costume and a black hat with a white tassel. A male relative, who the police said had not been drinking, shot her. He told authorities he thought she was a skunk. Now, I've seen skunks before, but I've never seen one as big as a nine year old girl. Maybe they grow 'em pretty big in Freedom, Pennsylvania than they do in Texas. The girl's condition was unavailable.

On the other end of the spectrum, a 12 year old girl in Oklahoma was home alone when a man started breaking into the house. As her mother had taught her, she grabbed the pistol, ran upstairs, hid in the closet and called 911 on her cell phone. The 6th grader told the emergency operator what was going on and that she was armed. The 12 year old was armed with a .40 caliber Glock, semi-auto. She told the dispatcher she had it, and to that person's credit, she told the little girl to hang on to it. The man came upstairs, heard the girl talking on the phone, and started to open the door. The girl, named Kendra, fired one round through the door, striking the subject in the shoulder. A funny thing happened right after that. He ran like a scalded dog on meth. 32 year old Stacey Jones was able to run a few blocks before loss of blood forced him to take a breather. The cops arrested him. Kendra was not traumatized that she had shot a bad guy. Nor should she be. She said, "I think it's going to change me a whole lot, knowing that I can hold my head up high and nothing can hurt me anymore." I should say not. As long as you're packin' a .40 caliber Glock, I'd say you're pretty safe.

Some folks in Ketchikan, Alaska committed the unpardonable sin when living in bear country. They left some exposed garbage in the vestibule of their home. A large, black bear pushed the door open and while rummaging around it wedged a trash can against the door, locking itself in. Of course, when the bear decided to leave, it got quite riled up that it couldn't and began to take it's displeasure out on the homeowner's vestibule. An Alaska wildlife trooper took a ten foot board and pushed the door open enough for the bear to get out. The bruiser took off into the woods, leaving the homeowner with over a thousand dollars worth of damage to his home.

Leave it up to North Korea to find a new way to execute somebody. One of their army ministers was accused of drinking and carousing during the official mourning period following the demise of Kim Jong-il's death. Kim Jong-un, the new leader, quickly decided the man's fate. He gave orders that he was to be put to death and further...there was nothing to be left of the poor man, even down to the hair. Those who are in charge of such matters had to think fast. So, they executed him by use of a mortar round. Yep, that should do it.

Ladies, if you happen to find yourself in Vienna, Austria and you wish to dine in a cafe', please ask them if there is a two way mirror installed in the ladies' room. Seems an artist has installed one so men can watch you 'wash up'. Only the view of the women's lavatory's can be seen, but never fear. In a month the artist will turn it around so the ladies can look at the men's faces while they stand at the urinal. I swear, you can't make this stuff up.

Finally, I saved the worst for last. Piedmont High School in Piedmont, California (where else?), discovered that their athlete students had taken Fantasy Football, Fantasy Baseball and Fantasy Hockey to a whole new level. Seems they created the Fantasy Slut League. Male students would 'draft' female students (most without their knowledge) and earned points for successfully completing certain sexual encounters with them. This is where it's gotten to, people. The typical liberal response?
Asst. Superintendent Randall Booker said, "It always comes back to how do we educate students and to have further conversations with the community."

And that's it for this edition of Smorgasbord Friday. Have a great weekend.



No comments:

Post a Comment